I always think in a southern accent..

I like to narrate my life, I want to remember it as a story, not just as bits and pieces.

I like writing about it. I like describing people and places, sometimes I'll even sketch the special ones.

Sometimes, though, I feel like I do it because I am afraid I will forget.

{I am dust}

Words cannot adequately express my love for worship.

It is what my souls thrives on. I savor those thirty minutes on Sunday morning, purely spent worshiping my God. But then the music stops and the talking starts, and I am no longer interested in being there. I despise church, it is a forced appearance on my part every week.

The God in the music, the God I feel, is not the same as the God you are talking about. He is not a financial advisor, He is a healer of hearts.

That is the trouble with church, they all think they know who God is. They make it into a giant production, so that by the time it's over, you feel like you were at a rock concert and a marriage/financial/pillars of success conference. They have made God a person that you do not want to spill your guts to, because He has rules, and steps, and electric guitars.

Give me a room lit with candles. Give me intimacy.

Praise is more than just singing songs and raising your hands, it is the daily discovery that God is good.

Sure, He can help you with the other stuff.. but I just want to live my life praising Him, not finding time in-between to praise Him.

beautiful things.

I have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow.. but I'm writing this instead of going to bed.

I have never liked Valentines day.

February 14th will roll around, and my eyes along with it, because I know that it will hold nothing but empty feelings and desires while I watch dozens upon dozens of couples, decked out in red, holding hands and smiling because they're in "love".

Now granted, the majority of them are indeed in "love", and I watch those in bittersweet amusement because it can often times be a very presh sight and warm even the coldest of hearts. But it is still a reminder of what I do not have.

I did receive a pleasant surprise this morning though.. I had decided to go to church, knowing that it wasn't a good idea considering my feelings for the theme of the day, and for the fact that I really do not like my church, but I hadn't gone last week so I thought that I ought to. I had not been informed (or I missed the memo because I was at home painting) that one of my favourite worship teams was visiting us, The Michael Gungor Band. To my utter joy, I got to listen to them for about 30 min, which made the hour or so afterwards worth it. They sang {what is now my favourite song} 'Beautiful Things'.

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new

It was exactly what I needed to hear, it was God.

I felt Him.

I needed Him.

I needed Him to love me.

I needed Him to make me new.

in all the unholy bathrooms..

{paraphrased Right Away, Great Captain}

I am starving for you
and the music won't do
I'm still empty without you

I can feel the lord move
He is cleaning my dirty wounds
so I'll come back clean for you
and I can see your brown hair
when I close my eyelids
I'm in love with something
and you look just like it

{someone once told me that I am too quiet, he said violence was the answer. He was only joking, but I acted out my vengeance on a stranger}

...

that is how I am feeling at the moment.

I bet you didn't know this.

Why hello there,

Michigan decided to be a doll today and everything is back to normal weather wise.

So I have a secret obsession with couture fashion shows.. I am enthralled by everything from the collections themselves, to the hair and makeup, photography, and the artistry that is involved in every aspect of it. I dress quite modestly compared to that, but I find it interesting non-the-less. Alexander McQueen, who is one of my favourites, passed away today.. it's seems kind of tragic that an artist such as he, would throw away such an amazingly gifted soul.

"This world I live in, this fashion world, is so unrelated to what's going on around the world, so what I try to do is to take parts of the world people in my world don't want to see and bring it to them."

Oh, in the midst of doing nothing earlier, I wrote a piano piece. I've been feeling especially artsy this past week, I have no clue why..

{ttfn}

{five year old boys are my favourite}

Today, I was thinking about a game I played when I was younger.. I used to go out in the woods, or in a field somewhere, and I pretended to be David. I would act out his battle with the Philistines (I was a bit of a tomboy) and return home in glorious victory.

A couple summers ago I played this game with some 1st graders in a field behind our house.

I gathered them together and told them that I was David and we were going to have a battle.

One boy quickly responded with a "but I'M David!!" (his name was indeed, David).

"I know," I replied, "I'm a different David."

I've been longing for that.. I haven't heard (let alone, acted out) a bible story in forever.

{ttfn}